Moments of Impact
2014 Marks the year I believe I got my life back.
The only thing that will ever be consistent in our lives is change, So why do we fear it so much? If I have learnt anything throughout my journey in this life so far its to never fear the unknown. Right back from when I can remember I was dancing around my living room to my pretend audiences, having my friends over to make up dance routines to perform to our families and even the entire high school assembly ( yes we actually did that). Then I grew up, fear crept in and I got lost.
I began my Dance studies at age 17 and at the age of 19 I was accepted into a Dance Academy in Melbourne Victoria where I completed two and a half years of full-time accredited dance training. Within the first six months of my certificate course that I was accepted into, I was bumped up to subsidiary and then Diploma,This was a huge achievement for me as it had never been done before at the academy. After graduating from my studies in 2008 I walked away with a Colours scholarship, agency representation, I was awarded the highest distriction of my year and landed my very first role as swing, in the Musical Chicago. Let the Games Begin!
Chicago The Musical
I was now swimming with the big fish, and not to mention I was in the same show as my idol, a very good friend of mine who was also my teacher and whom I looked up to so much. Amy Berrisford You are something else. Thank you to the whole cast for being so fabulous and for teaching me so much. This wasn't just any other musical, this was Chicago the Musical. I was now working next to some of the biggest names in the industry and I think most of what I learnt in that show was simply by watching them. Every night I would sit in the wings and watch Roxie hart (Sharon Millerchip) and Velma Kelly (Caroline O'conner) and I would be in absolute awe of these woman. These ladies knew how to hold a whole theatre in the palm of their hands for an entire show, every single night!. I remember thinking to myself, one day that will be me. I made some wonderful friendships and worked with a stella cast.
Then it happened, that unexpected turn for the worst, well so I thought.
On this very day that I was on I received a call from my agent at the time, in the middle of interval telling me that a very well known casting director had just happened to be in watching the first half of the show. I was told that this director wasn't impressed with my performance at all, I looked to heavy on the stage and I had damaged and ruined the role I was covering for. As you can imagine, this was my very first professional production, I didn't know what to think, do, or say. Im a pretty strong minded person, and it takes abit to break me but that, killed me . I finished the second half of the show, then I went home and cried more tears than I think I ever will again in this life time. I didn't realise at the time, but this fear that I was carrying wasn't just through Chicago, I had been a victim to it my whole life.
We had just Finished our Melbourne leg and we were off to Sydney and by this stage I wasn't in a good place at all. Just before we made our way home to perth for the last leg, I had surgery to get rid all of that "so called fat" I had on my legs. (By this stage I was well and truly In a place I never want to see again). Just one week after my operation we were in perth and back on stage for rehearsals and I was trying so hard to cover up my bruising with my bandages and body suit to stop the bleeding, I remember thinking to myself is this it? is this what I have to put myself through. I was so scared everything I did, every choice I made came from a place of fear. Chicago was the both the greatest and most scariest time of my life. As soon as that last curtain went down I knew it was time to go home, just untill I had found hope again.
Drew Elizabeth Johnstone, you were my rock this entire season. You took me under your wing and helped me every step along the way. Your a dear friend and I will treasure that for ever. Thankyou.!
After a year of being home I decided to return back to melbourne in 2012, I wondered around for a bit thinking that I had to be there because if I wasn't I was going to miss out! "theres that fear again." but the truth is, the only thing I was missing was myself. I couldn't work out why everyone around me was doing so well, booking show after show, flying through auditions, but I just couldn't seem to get there.I was so busy worrying about everyone else I forgot about myself. Whats even worse was this casting director was on almost every panel I auditioned for. Every time I was in that room I kept asking myself, whats wrong with me, why aren't I good enough!. Was the casting director right? was I really no good?. Fear drove my life for quite sometime but then I realised that the only way out was to face it,deal with it and move on. I returned home again and decided I wasn't moving anywhere until I had combatted this disease.
I walked around for another year wondering what it was I was meant to be doing with my life, then before I knew it I had a new agent who believed in me and was about to get me past this horrible event that I was still carrying around with me. The first thing my new agent asked me was why I am still in perth? when there is so much more work in Melbourne and Sydney. ( thinking back now, I realise that the work that I needed was to heal and work on myself). I had mentioned what had happened and why I came home. She made a call to the director to find out exactly what was said. The agent took me under her wing for as long as she could and was a wonderful part of my journey to getting back on track. Turns out that conversation never happened, was made up and this casting director did remember me and thought I was a wonderful performer. I couldn't bring myself to mention to my agent or the casting director about the surgery. I would like to point out that we all have choices in this life, and what I chose to do was my decision. I do not blame or hold any resentment because of it. I just made a promise to myself from that day forward that I would never let anyone take my power away from me like that again. You don't ever have to change who you are for anybody.
ITS GOOD TO BE HOME!
I had no idea what was ahead of me, but I knew it was going to be good!.
I auditioned for an agency in perth and got accepted, it took me a little while to get back into the swing of things but I was happy to be dancing again. Tuesday nights were the highlights of my week, and as soon as I walked through that door that little voice in my head stopped. This place became my sanctuary, I made some of the most beautiful friendships, laughed till the cows came home, danced up a storm and found my passion and love for dancing and performing again. For our end of year show I was successful in making one of the lead role , and for the first time in all in a long time I was excited and thrilled to be performing on that stage again. . The positive energy that Greenroom holds is like no other, everyone is so supportive and encouraging you really cannot have anything else but a wonderful experience there. Thank you to Kirsty Deller, Claudia Cirillo all the girls at Greenroom Entertainment for welcoming me into your academy and for giving me one of the best years of dancing to date.
GreenRoom Agency 2014- To all these girls, you have made such a positive impact on my life. Thankyou!
GreenRoom Entertainment- End of year Showcase. Lead Role : Professor Plum
It Just kept getting better and better!
Then came HOLLYWOOD followed by NASA, followed my first lead role.
After being accepted into one of hollywoods best acting programmes. I began to figure it all out. I was always so far ahead of myself trying to get to the next step before I had competed the one I was still on. I was impatient, fearful of missing out and I so worried about the destination I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy the journey which in turn was going to give me the tools I needed to get me to that place I was so desperate to get to. This is where I was meant to be and where I was always going to end up, However without those moments of impact that I had along the way I wouldn't of had all the life experiences I needed to bring with me. I had to experience life, I had to allow myself to grow in my own time and learn how to just be in the moment. I wasn't living my life and allowing its natural flow to take place. I wasn't trusting my own ability to get me there and I wasn't letting go and allowing flow. (You can't build a brick house without the bricks). Tools is what I was missing. LA taught me so much and I was so ready for it. Lilly Dawson has created an amazing programme for Actors, Singers, Models, Presenters you name it Lilly does it. The Programme is jam packed with some amazing workshops and long days with LA's finest Actors, Mentors, Lecturers and life coaches. Anything and everything you can think of Lilly has it in her programme. I walked away from Hollywood Immerse as a more confident actor with skills that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I will be dedicating a blog post to my experiences and training whilst at HOLLYWOOD IMMERSIVE in the coming weeks, so stayed tuned), but for now check out there website at http://www.hollywoodimmersive.com
Hollywood Immersive 2014- Actors
On my return home from LA I auditioned for perth's renowned acting academy NASA to further my studies. NASA Academy was a massive turning point in my life an after my first night I was hooked. Thank you to Fern Nicholson for not only being an amazing coach but for being our mentor and our positive magnet that we can always come to. This industry is tough but when your in the hands of NASA and Fern Nicholson, anything is possible. Thank you for the opportunities you give us to work with some amazing industry directors and producers, I am a better actor due to my time at NASA. I have made life long friends and I can't wait to get back there. ( I will be dedicating a blog post to my experiences and training whilst at NASA in the coming weeks, so stayed tuned).http://www.nicholsonsacademy.com
You just never know what is waiting around the corner for you.
After playing the role of Lydia In spike heels for our showcase in hollywood, I didn't think Id be flying home to audition for the lead role as Georgie. I auditioned for the role of Georgie but didn't think I had a chance, I looked nothing like her character, I couldn't do the Boston accent and I just didn't think I was ever going to be that person that would get the lead. Then I snapped out of it, realised I was going back to my old way of thinking and made it happen. I had just been given a change to prove to myself and the director that I could be Georgie and I could do this. So what was I waiting for? We long for these opportunities and then once they are there waiting for us, we hesitate because we think we aren't good enough? whats that about?
The director had called me to discuss what he was seeing for both characters and which way he was leaning towards in placing me in the show. I decided I had two choices, stay in my comfort zone and never find out if I could do it, or get over myself and show him what I've got to give (after all success starts at the end of your comfort zone) right? I called James Hagen the best dialect coach in Perth, scheduled sessions with him,practiced my lines and accent for that week prior to the next round of auditions, found an outfit that suited who Georgie was to me and walked into that audition room and gave it all I had. After my audition finished my director sat in silence for a second, while I tried to read his body language, then he sat back in his chair put his hand over his head and said 'shit". I knew I had given it everything I could have, regardless of who won that role, I was already a winner within myself. I just got myself one step closer to where I wanted to be. (Totally out of my comfort zone and in a place of discovering the actress within me). The next day received a call to say I got the Lead role!
Spike Heels- Georgie -
All it takes is for that one person to see something in you. Thank you Trevor Dhu for giving me that chance to prove to you that what you saw was only going to get better!
Auditioning for Miss Universe marked the final knot to my belt. After watching my Boyfriends sister's journey throughout her time with Miss Universe last year and how much she had grown as a young woman and how happy she felt all the time to be involved in something so amazing she had inspired me so much I decided why not? I'm gonna give it a go. I was already on my own personal journey of self healing and finding that self worth I wanted to now put it to the test. After being accepted into the top 70 I noted down a list of goals for myself that I wanted to achieve and made a promise to myself to tick the off as I went.
We are forever learning, forever growing and forever changing. Due to all of these moments of impact for the first time in my life I can confidently say that I'am proud of who and what I'am and I wouldn't change any of these moment or people who have come into my life as they have brought me to this amazing place that I am now in. There is no such thing as perfection in this life and we will never be perfect, but we will be unique and that is so much bigger and better!. As we all go through our own moments of impact in our lives my Drive to write this blog post was to hopefully shed light on the fact that there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel, and although we cannot see it whilst we are deep within in, we must hold on to that faith that we are exactly where we need to be at that very moment in time. Everything happens in the perfect time space for you and everyone who comes into your life is there to teach you something. Have faith, have patience and in time you will to discover that who you are is and always will be enough- If I can do it, So can you!
Always remember that who you are is enough!
Love always HOPE xx
The moment we stop trying so hard and we let go of fear, thats when life happens and everything that has been waiting for you begins to present itself.
Miss Universe WA Parade 2015 - Photographed by Part Blue Photograghy